On Family

Why must we force ourselves to preserve a semblance of rightness and security in our homes when it is clear that such is not the case? When the rafters of our lives are falling down around our ears, and we have no rewarding relationship with those to whom we have committed, what good is it to hide behind illusion?

I say that if relationships are failed, then God is not between the related. If the clouds of disaster are lurking outside the walls of home, we must drop what we are doing and rebuild the walls. Rebuild walls of faith, perseverance, love and trust! Sheetrock, 2×4s and concrete will not withstand the demise of the spirit.

“But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.” Matthew 7:26-27

It is fairly accepted that money is a great threat to the integrity of the family. As such it should have a place in priorities. But money is of this world. God made money. He does not coexist with it as an equal influence. Faith proves money, not the other way around. Sustenance is of God. God is not of sustenance.

Our careers, our money, our basic sustenance, are these things coming between us and our loved ones? I propose that these three material things have come between us and our families and our God. We use commitment to a stabilized home as our expression of love and caring. If the bills are paid and the things are got, then our lives are good. We are trying to use the world to solve our problems and all that is happening is holding together, with duct tape and rubber bands, a failing system.

It’s not the fact that we get our needs, it’s about where we go to get our needs met.

“Now the disciples had forgotten to take bread, and they did not have more than one loaf with them in the boat. Then He charged them, saying, ‘Take heed, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod.’ And they reasoned among themselves, saying, ‘It is because we have no bread.’
But Jesus, being aware of it, said to them, ‘Why do you reason because you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive nor understand? Is your heart still hardened? Having eyes, do you not see? And having ears, do you not hear? And do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of fragments did you take up?’
They said to Him, ‘Twelve.’
‘Also, when I broke the seven for the four thousand, how many large baskets full of fragments did you take up?’
And they said, ‘Seven.’
So He said to them, ‘How is it you do not understand?’” Mark 8:14-21

We conceal the truth. God is what makes our lives good and right. We are lying to ourselves, our families and to Him. Putting family first does NOT mean keeping traditions and the norm at all costs. Putting family first means doing the best thing for the family.

“Likewise deacons must be reverent, not double-tongued, not given to much wine, not greedy for money, holding the mystery of the faith with a pure conscience. But let these also first be tested; then let them serve as deacons, being found blameless. Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things. Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well. For those who have served well as deacons obtain for themselves a good standing and great boldness in the faith which is in Christ Jesus.” I Timothy 3:8-13

First, the head of the family must put his faith into the family. He is responsible to God for leadership of his little flock, whether the children have grown and gone or are still in their PJs. No amount of money and stuff can substitute for the Word and Christian wisdom. This may be a balance that is challenging, but the Lord has set His priorities in our lives and as such can be trusted to ensure we are cared for. Where are we in our pursuit of the Word and putting it to work in our lives? Are we humble before our God and our family, transparent in our failures and hangups, ready to keep His commandment before all other decisions?

Being the head of a family, whether referring to the sole headship of a father and husband, or the co-headship of parents, the role of pastor is put upon us, and suddenly we are under the command of all the qualifications and mandates for pastors. All of I, II Timothy and Titus become our Standard Operating Procedures when we become leaders, even of a little team consisting of a couple of kids, a husband and a wife.

Are we in the Church, with our family, being fed by that pastor and congregation as no other relationship can provide? Are we bringing that church home with us and continuing the conversation, the relationship as if we had never left? Or are we back at work, in the zone, in the money. Or are we back in our own world, propping up the roof and walls, hiding the truth? The pastor is commanded to feed his flock, and he is given these duties with great attention to detail and specific qualities. The command to feed the flock includes, to me, the command for the flock to feed. Go to church. Go to a GOOD church that teaches the word without compromise. The less we enjoy the conviction when in church is a good indicator that it’s a good church. The more we enjoy true honesty, exhortation and teaching when in church is a good indicator that it’s a good church.

“I charge you therefore before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, who will judge the living and the dead at His appearing and His kingdom: Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables. But you be watchful in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.” II Timothy 4:1-5

Second, the family must put its faith into the head, thereby showing faith in the Lord. Is our family stabbing us in the back, unraveling all that we are to stand for? Is there a rapport of mercy, trust and love in the air within the walls of our home? Or is there ice and muffled sounds of whispered despite? Does hope grace the halls of our home, or despair? Loving others is never applied by doing our best to conceal the darkness within us. Loving others is being willing to see the sin and take action against that sin.

Whatever comes between us and our family, rest assured that if it is not God, it is Satan. There is no alternative.

Is there hope? Yes, in the Lord. We cannot change anything other than our own tack. But our lives will reflect in that of others, for that is how the Lord works. We must find ourselves on our knees, find forgiveness, replace the trust that has gone. Not their trust, OURS. We must remove the barriers with renewed commitment to our lives as the shepherds of our little flocks, serving the Big Shepherd. Drop the ball, leave the court and pray, pray, pray. Let us read our Bibles, find the sustenance in the church that we NEED, and pray some more.

And when we take this to heart, start acting on it, we must be prepared for upheaval. Know that the Lord will cultivate the vine, with results that will certainly be distressing to the sinful self.